Donald Trump has signed an executive order aimed at giving America’s cultural institutions a good old-fashioned patriotic makeover. The target? None other than the venerable Smithsonian Institution—a sprawling network of museums, research centers, and even a zoo that attracts millions of visitors each year.
Think of it as “The Apprentice,” but with more fossils and fewer boardroom eliminations.
Titled “Restoring Truth and Sanity to American History”, the order tasks Vice President JD Vance with leading what can only be described as a full-scale ideological spring cleaning. According to the decree, any trace of “improper, divisive, or anti-American ideology” must be scrubbed from the Smithsonian’s hallowed halls.
Presumably, this includes anything vaguely progressive, nuanced, or capable of making someone feel slightly uncomfortable about the past.
But wait, there’s more! Interior Secretary Doug Burgum has been handed the equally Herculean task of restoring federal properties like parks, memorials, and statues that have allegedly fallen victim to historical revisionism over the last five years.
Translation: If you’ve taken down a statue of some long-forgotten figure whose main contribution to society was owning people, consider yourself on notice. Uncle Sam wants his bronze back!
Trump’s order takes particular aim at two Smithsonian projects.
First up, the still-in-development American Women’s History Museum, which, according to the administration, plans to engage in some kind of gender-bending sorcery by recognizing men as women. Details are sketchy, but one imagines panicked staffers frantically Googling “men dressed as suffragettes” while trying to figure out how they ended up in the crosshairs.
Then there’s the National Museum of African American History and Culture, which apparently committed the cardinal sin of suggesting that traits like hard work, individualism, and the nuclear family might somehow reflect aspects of White Culture.
Cue the collective gasp heard ‘round the nation! For context, these claims seem to stem from a misinterpretation of materials discussing systemic inequality, but hey, who needs nuance when you’ve got outrage?
To add insult to injury, Congress is now being told not to fund Smithsonian exhibits or programs that dare to address topics like race relations—because nothing says unity quite like pretending racism doesn’t exist.
And let’s not forget the crown jewel of controversy: the National Zoo. Yes, even pandas are under scrutiny here. While no specific allegations against the bamboo-munching critters have surfaced yet, we wouldn’t put it past someone to accuse them of harboring socialist sympathies. After all, sharing food and living communally does sound suspiciously Marxist.
This latest salvo is part of Trump’s ongoing crusade to rid America of what he calls “woke” left-wing ideology. Earlier efforts included dismantling diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives across federal agencies—a campaign that predictably sparked legal challenges faster than you can say “First Amendment.”
He also made headlines by firing the entire board of the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts and installing himself as chairman. This power play prompted immediate backlash from artists and directors, many of whom responded by cancel own upcoming performances. Who knew avant-garde theater could be such a political minefield?
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