Switzerland’s business elite just handed President Donald Trump a Rolex and a gold bar, potentially turning the U.S.’s 39% tariff hammer into a gentle tick-tock of trade harmony.
The gambit, hatched during a Tuesday powwow at the White House, has insiders buzzing that a letter of intent could drop any day now, paving the way for a full-blown pact at January’s Davos shindig.
Picture this not as a heist, but a high-stakes charm offensive. Executives from heavy-hitters like MSC shipping, Rolex tickers, Partners Group investors, Mercuria energy traders, Richemont jewelers, and MKS financiers trooped in like a neutral-country Avengers squad.
They didn’t come empty-handed. Out came a gleaming Rolex destined for Trump’s presidential library—because nothing says “eternal legacy” like a watch that never needs winding.
And for good measure, a custom-engraved gold bar, heavy with promise. It’s the kind of gift that whispers, “We’re not cheapskates; we’re just precise about our bullion.”
The Swiss crew didn’t stop at sparkle. They dangled carrots like relocating gold-smelting ops to the U.S. in the next year or two—imagine Swiss precision melting American dreams into shiny ingots right here at home.
Pharma investments? Check. More Swiss bucks snapping up U.S.-made aircraft? You bet—Boeing’s stock just perked up like it heard the clink of incoming cash.
They even vowed to chip away at the U.S. trade deficit with Switzerland over five to seven years. It’s like promising to diet after a fondue binge: ambitious, but hey, the intent shines brighter than that gold bar.
Trump reportedly flashed goodwill like a dealer flipping aces. No arm-twisting needed; just enough bling to remind him that not all trade wars end in walls.
Tensions simmered pre-visit, with those 39% tariffs biting into Swiss exports like a fondue fork gone rogue. But post-meet, U.S. Trade Rep Jamieson Greer hopped on a call Friday with Swiss Economy Minister Guy Parmelin and SECO’s Helene Budliger-Artieda.
The Swiss called it “very constructive.” Translation: No one hurled chocolate at the screen—progress!
Parmelin, set to helm Switzerland next year, is already buddy-buddy with U.S. brass. Regular chats keep the channels oiled, minus the squeaks of stalled deals.
The Economic Affairs Ministry played coy, dubbing the biz leaders’ jaunt a “private initiative” they merely cheered from the sidelines. “The Federal Council handles the big-league haggling,” they sniffed, like a butler declining to fetch the caviar.
Yet whispers suggest this thaw could mirror the EU’s sweeter 15% tariff deal. Davos in January? Expect handshakes, not haymakers, with Trump and Parmelin unveiling a blueprint for balanced books.
Infrastructure pitches sweetened the pot too—Swiss know-how greasing U.S. rails and roads. It’s less “build the wall” and more “build the bridge” to bilateral bliss.
Critics might scoff at the schmoozing, but in trade tango terms, it’s flawless footwork. Switzerland’s playing the long game, one engraved ingot at a time.
As the letter of intent looms, watch—pun very much intended—for ripples. Will tariffs deflate like a punctured balloon animal? Or is this just gilded groundwork?
Leave a Reply