In a move that sounds like it came straight out of a late-night infomercial, President Donald Trump recently pitched his latest idea: ditching the EB-5 visa program and replacing it with what he’s calling a “gold card.”
For just $5 million (easy payments not available), aspiring Americans can now fast-track their way to citizenship! Forget job creation or economic impact—just whip out your checkbook and voilà, you’re in!
It’s like buying a timeshare, but instead of a condo in Florida, you get to live in Florida. Or Ohio. Or wherever you want, really. Who needs merit-based immigration when you’ve got cold, hard cash? Call now, operators are standing by!
Ah, the EB-5 program: America’s original “green card” lottery for deep-pocketed dreamers. But leave it to Trump to upgrade the color scheme and crank up the bling factor!
In true mogul fashion, he’s swapping out those humble green cards for something shinier—a gold card. And at just $5 million a pop, who wouldn’t want one?
It’s like upgrading from coach to first class, except instead of peanuts and legroom, you get citizenship! Move over, American Dream; say hello to the American Premium Membership™—because apparently, freedom isn’t free… it’s $5 million.
In true Trump fashion, the president is rolling out what sounds like the ultimate VIP package for the ultra-wealthy: “Green card privileges plus a golden ticket to citizenship—all for the low, low price of $5 million!” He’s basically turning America into an exclusive country club where membership comes with more than just access to the buffet—it gets you full-blown citizenship!
“Details coming in two weeks,” he added, which feels suspiciously like when your friend says they’ll show you their “awesome business plan” next week. But hey, who needs a roadmap when you’ve got charisma and a shiny metaphorical gold card?
Get ready, America—your newest citizens might just arrive via luxury yacht!
When asked if Russian oligarchs could snag one of these golden tickets to citizenship, Trump didn’t miss a beat: “Yeah, possibly. Hey, I know some Russian oligarchs that are very nice people.”
Because nothing screams “model citizen” like a billionaire with a yacht, a private jet, and… let’s just say, a colorful reputation. Forget background checks or interviews—apparently, being “nice” is all it takes!
So, move over Lady Liberty; America’s new welcoming committee might just include a few oligarchs sipping caviar on their way to becoming card-carrying Americans. Who knew democracy came with a side of borscht?
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