US President Donald Trump has fired the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, CQ Brown, the highest-ranking officer in the country, as part of what can only be described as a military version of The Apprentice: Pentagon Edition.
“I want to thank General Charles ‘CQ’ Brown for his over 40 years of service to our country,” Trump posted on social media—because nothing softens the blow of being fired like a public shout-out that doubles as a LinkedIn recommendation.
He also announced that five other top officers were getting the boot, presumably because no one likes a boring episode of Game of Thrones: Military Chapter.
Gen Brown was the second Black officer to hold the post, the big cheese who advises both the president and the secretary of defense on national security. You know, just your average day job where you help decide whether or not to launch nuclear missiles while debating if the coffee in the Situation Room is strong enough.
US Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth had previously said that Gen Brown should be fired because of his “woke” focus on diversity, equity, and inclusion programs in the military. Ah yes, because nothing screams “military readiness” like canceling DEI initiatives faster than you can say “camouflage.”
Forget training soldiers to handle modern warfare—let’s make sure they’re all wearing the same color socks instead.
At this rate, it feels less like a leadership shake-up and more like a reality TV show where everyone gets voted off the island except for the guy yelling about how much he loves walls. Stay tuned for next week’s episode: “Who’s Getting Fired From the Pentagon?!”
Later on Friday, Hegseth announced the firings of two additional senior officers: Chief of Naval Operations Adm Lisa Franchetti and Vice Chief of Staff of the Air Force Gen Jim Slife.
Adm Franchetti was the first woman to lead the US Navy, which means she probably had to navigate more than just stormy seas during her tenure. Breaking glass ceilings while steering an aircraft carrier? Impressive. Getting fired via press release? Less so. At this rate, it feels like they’re replacing military leadership faster than you can say “anchors aweigh.”
Meanwhile, Gen Jim Slife’s departure raises questions about whether his name doomed him from the start. I mean, come on—“Slife” sounds like someone destined for dramatic exits. Was he given a parade? A handshake? Or just a Post-it note that said, “Thanks for your service, Jim. Try not to crash any planes on your way out”?
At this point, it’s less of a Pentagon shake-up and more of a full-blown game of musical chairs—if the music stops, you’re out, and there’s no crying in the war room (unless you’re the one being replaced). Stay tuned for next week’s episode: “Who Needs Experience When You’ve Got X Polls?”
All three top officers removed on Friday were appointed by Trump’s predecessor, Joe Biden—because nothing says “fresh start” like clearing the bench like it’s halftime at a football game. Out with the old, in with… whoever has a cool pilot jacket and a firm handshake, apparently.
Hegseth said in a statement: “Under President Trump, we are putting in place new leadership that will focus our military on its core mission of deterring, fighting, and winning wars.” Ah yes, because nothing screams “mission readiness” like replacing seasoned leaders with people who may or may not still have their flight simulator scores from 1998. Forget strategy briefings—let’s just hope they remember how to salute properly.
Trump said he would nominate Air Force Lt Gen Dan Caine—a career F-16 pilot who most recently served as CIA associate director for military affairs—as the new chairman of the joint chiefs of staff.
So basically, we’re swapping out one highly decorated leader for another guy whose main qualification seems to be looking good in aviator sunglasses. Not that we’re complaining—if you’re going to reboot the Pentagon, might as well cast someone who could star in a recruitment ad.
Last year, at the Conservative Political Action Conference, Trump recalled first meeting Gen Caine in Iraq.
“He looked better than any movie actor you could get,” Trump told the audience. Of course, looks are everything when choosing the next top military advisor! Forget decades of experience—does he have cheekbones? Can he sell popcorn during intermission? These are the real questions.
In the same speech, he praised the US military but said it was “woke at the top.” Classic Trump logic: if the generals care about things like diversity and inclusion, clearly they’ve forgotten how to win wars.
Never mind that modern warfare involves diplomacy, technology, and teamwork—it’s all about making sure no one brings up feelings in the war room. At this rate, the Pentagon might as well ban PowerPoint presentations and replace them with motivational posters featuring scowling eagles.
Gen Brown had been visiting troops at the southern US border on Friday, roughly two hours before Trump’s post announcing his departure—because nothing screams “loyalty” like firing someone while they’re literally out in the field doing their job.
It’s almost like getting dumped via text message, except instead of emojis, it’s a presidential tweetstorm.
Rumours had been swirling this week that the president would remove the commander, whose term was set to expire in 2027. So basically, Gen Brown was fired faster than you can say “contract extension.”
Forget planning for the future; let’s just hit the reset button mid-mission and hope no one notices the chaos behind the curtain.
Gen Brown made headlines in 2020 when he spoke out about race following the death of George Floyd. He posted a video message to the US Air Force describing the pressures he had felt as one of the few Black men in his unit, including being questioned about his credentials.
Because apparently, even when you’re busy flying fighter jets and leading entire branches of the military, some folks still need convincing that you earned your stripes (pun intended).
Now, here we are in 2024, and it seems his commitment to addressing tough issues may have ruffled a few feathers—or maybe just annoyed people who think “woke” is scarier than actual war zones. Who needs emotional intelligence in leadership when you can just yell “Sir, yes sir!” until morale improves?
At this rate, Gen Brown’s farewell speech might as well include a mic drop and a playlist of inspirational breakup songs.
In 2022, while chief of staff of the Air Force, Gen Brown co-signed a memo setting out diversity goals to boost the proportion of minority officer applicants while adjusting lower the rate of white candidates, according to the Air Force Times.
Because nothing screams “military strategy” like turning recruitment into a math problem that everyone argues about on X. Forget dogfights and stealth bombers—let’s debate percentages instead!
Colin Powell was the first Black chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, serving from 1989-93. And now, decades later, we’re still having conversations about representation in leadership roles—as if progress is less of a straight line and more of a game of Chutes and Ladders.
Spoiler alert: sometimes you slide back down just when you think you’ve climbed high enough.
One of Trump’s first acts after being sworn in last month was to fire the first female commandant of the Coast Guard, citing “excessive focus” on diversity. Ah yes, because apparently wanting an inclusive military is akin to mutiny.
Forget life-saving missions and maritime security—what really matters is making sure no one mentions words like “equity” or “inclusion.” At this rate, the Pentagon might as well start handing out monocles and top hats to ensure everyone looks sufficiently old-school.
So here we are: trading trailblazers for tradition faster than you can say “reverse course.” Who needs pioneers breaking barriers when you can just rewind history and pretend it never happened? Truly, a masterclass in how to undo decades of progress—all before lunchtime.
In November, before he was confirmed, Hegseth said on a podcast that there were many problems in the military, including diversity initiatives, which the Trump administration should “course correct.”
Because nothing says “fixing things” like scrapping programs designed to make the armed forces look more like the actual population they serve. Forget advanced weaponry and cybersecurity threats—let’s focus on making sure everyone feels less included. Truly innovative thinking right there.
“First of all, you got to fire the chairman of joint chiefs,” Hegseth said in describing the steps he believed Trump should take.
Ah yes, because when life gives you lemons, start firing people until the lemons magically turn into lemonade—or at least until morale plummets so low it becomes its own national security threat. Who needs strategy meetings when you’ve got knee-jerk firings?
The Pentagon also announced on Friday that it would cut its budget and let go of 5,400 probationary employees next week. So basically, not only are we swapping out top brass faster than you can say “organizational chart,” but now we’re trimming the workforce too!
Nothing boosts confidence in the military like mass layoffs and slashed budgets—it’s almost like they’re auditioning for their very own episode of The Office: Armed Forces Edition.
At this rate, the Pentagon might as well just replace all personnel with drones and call it a day. After all, robots don’t complain about diversity training or ask for coffee breaks (yet). Stay tuned for next week’s developments: “Who Needs Troops When You’ve Got PowerPoint?”
Leave a Reply