In a move that’s sure to get everyone talking—or at least Googling translations—President Trump signed an executive order on Saturday declaring English the official language of the United States.
Apparently, he figured if Shakespeare could make English famous, why not give it a promotion?
The order effectively hit the “undo” button on former President Clinton’s more multilingual-friendly policies, which had encouraged federal agencies to help those who found themselves tongue-tied in English.
Now, instead of offering translation services or bilingual support, federal agencies can simply shrug and say, “Sorry, you’re on your own!”
Critics worry this might lead to some awkward situations—like tourists trying to ask for directions only to be handed a dictionary—or worse, a copy of War and Peace as reading practice.
Supporters, however, are thrilled, saying it’s about time we all spoke the same language (literally)… though no one mentioned how this will affect ordering tacos al pastor or pronouncing “quinoa.”
So grab your dictionaries, folks—it looks like Rosetta Stone stocks just skyrocketed!
Ah, so it’s not quite a linguistic iron curtain—federal agencies can still offer services in other languages if they feel like it.
But let’s be honest, this sounds less like a mandate and more like an optional homework assignment: “You can help non-English speakers… if you want. No pressure.”
President Trump framed the move as a unifying effort, because nothing screams “unity” like telling millions of people to brush up on their verb conjugations.
In his words, speaking English is the golden ticket to economic success and community engagement—or, as he might put it, “the art of the deal.” Who knew participles could be so patriotic?
He also took a moment to celebrate America’s multilingual citizens who’ve embraced English over the years, which is nice—if slightly ironic coming from someone whose favorite phrases include “yuge,” “tremendous,” and “fake news.”
Still, kudos to him for acknowledging that learning a language isn’t easy; it’s probably why he stuck with one.
In summary: English is now officially the star quarterback of U.S. languages, but Spanish, Chinese, and others are still allowed to sit on the bench… just in case we need them for the spelling bee later.
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