President Donald Trump, the self-proclaimed deal-making maestro, is gearing up for a Tuesday chit-chat with his old buddy Vladimir Putin.
The mission? Pitch a ceasefire plan so brilliant it could end Russia’s Ukrainian escapade faster than you can say “Art of the Deal.”
The White House is practically popping champagne, claiming peace is just a handshake away, while Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s over there rolling his eyes, muttering, “Yeah, right, Vlad’s just blowing smoke again while his tanks play Whac-A-Mole with my country.”
Trump’s diving headfirst into this like it’s a reality TV season finale—U.S.-Russia relations are flipping faster than a pancake at a diner, and he’s ready to trade ally brownie points for a quick “Mission Accomplished” banner.
“It’s bad over there, folks,” he told reporters, probably while adjusting his tie. “But don’t worry, I’m gonna fix it—ceasefire, peace, the works. Easy peasy.”
Behind the scenes, Trump’s envoy Steve Witkoff jetted off to Moscow like a diplomatic James Bond, while Secretary of State Marco Rubio sweet-talked the Ukrainians into nodding along to this ceasefire framework during a Saudi Arabian powwow.
Trump’s even hinting at divvying up land and power plants like it’s a Monopoly game—maybe Putin gets Boardwalk, Ukraine keeps Baltic Avenue, and the Zaporizhzhia nuclear plant’s the wild card nobody wants to touch with a ten-foot pole.
Trump’s been crowing about his Putin bromance since the campaign trail, blaming Zelenskyy for not waving the white flag sooner while casually suggesting Ukraine might’ve asked for it.
Meanwhile, Putin’s mouthpiece Dmitry Peskov is teasing a laundry list of U.S.-Russia “normalizing” topics for the call—scheduled for that sweet 9-to-11 a.m. ET slot, perfect for coffee and geopolitical haggling.
The White House is tossing around football metaphors like 10th yard line of peace, courtesy of press secretary Karoline Leavitt, who’s basically saying Trump’s one touchdown away from ending this mess.
But the experts—like Bradley Bowman from the Foundation for Defense of Democracies—are raising eyebrows, wondering if Putin’s just playing hard-to-get, waiting for Trump to throw in a few extra carrots while Zelenskyy gets the stick end of the deal.
Speaking of Zelenskyy, he’s not buying the hype. After a rocky White House meetup with Trump that ended with a temporary intel-sharing timeout (restored after Ukraine grudgingly signed Trump’s 30-day ceasefire idea), he’s still on his nightly video grind, basically calling Putin the war-dragging Grinch who stole Christmas.
Trump’s take? Putin’s holding all the aces, Zelenskyy’s got a busted flush, and he’s ready to broker a deal that’ll have everyone calling him the peacemaker-in-chief.
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