GOP Rep. Tim Walberg, R-Mich., the maestro of the House Education Committee, has thrown his support behind President Trump’s bold plan to abolish the Department of Education (DOE).
The catch? Congress might not get the memo.
“I’m all in on axing the DOE, returning schools to the states, and wrestling higher-ed institutions into submission,” Walberg declared. But like a toddler trying to reach the cookie jar, he admitted, “Whether we can actually do it? That’s the trillion-dollar question.”
Ah, the Senate—a legislative arena where bills go to die slow, bipartisan deaths. Walberg pointed out the elephant in the room: Republicans would need 60 votes to nuke the DOE, which likely means begging Democrats to join the party.
“The president can slap an executive order on it, but that’s like using a Band-Aid on a broken leg,” he sighed. “The Senate? Let’s just say I wouldn’t bet the family farm on them agreeing to torch a federal agency.”
Not ones to let reality cramp their style, GOP leaders are brainstorming Plan B: “de-powering” the DOE. “What if we just… shrink it? Or replace it with a Magic 8-Ball?”
Walberg mused, presumably while doodling flowcharts titled How to Dismantle an Agency Without Getting Fired. Meanwhile, Trump is prepping an executive order to abolish the DOE faster than you can say “FAFSA nightmare,” fulfilling a decades-old conservative dream.
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House Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) chimed in with folksy wisdom: “Local control is best! Parents and school boards—your new overlords!”
For context, the DOE was born in 1980 when Jimmy Carter, apparently bored with health policy, spun it off from Department of Health and Human Services. Now, it’s the GOP’s arch-nemesis. But as Walberg and Co. plot their legislative heist, one thing’s clear: Abolishing an entire department is harder than passing a pop quiz in algebra.
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