In a court hearing that could only be described as a legal circus. Former Spanish football president Luis Rubiales took the stand this morning, declaring that the infamous kiss he gave Spain’s World Cup-winning star Jenni Hermoso was a “two-way street.”
However, witnesses and legal experts in attendance had a slightly different perspective, with some going so far as to describe the kiss as “more of a roundabout—everyone was going in circles, and no one was quite sure how they got there.”
Rubiales, who has been embroiled in controversy ever since the kiss at the World Cup final in 2023, made his statement with the confidence of a man who had never been told “no” in his life. “It was mutual, okay? A beautiful moment. A gesture of affection between two people who respect each other deeply. I mean, how could it be anything else?” he said, adjusting his tie and flashing a grin that some courtroom observers described as “too wide, even for a politician.”
However, Hermoso’s legal team has painted a very different picture, one in which the kiss was not just unsolicited but “more akin to a surprise attack,” as one of Hermoso’s lawyers put it during their opening arguments. “There was no ‘give and take’ here. There was no negotiation. It was not a ‘two-way street.’ It was more like being put on a roundabout, where you’re just going around in circles, trying to figure out how to exit, but then the kiss happens again and again.”
Reports from witnesses who attended the match suggest that Rubiales’ kiss was more like a miscalculation from someone trying to navigate a crowded intersection in a high-speed chase. “At first, it seemed like just a mistake. But then the second time—well, it was like a detour on the highway of common sense,” one unnamed witness explained, adding, “You couldn’t tell if he was trying to score a goal or avoid a red card.”
Legal analysts are divided on the impact of Rubiales’ “two-way street” claim. Some believe it’s an attempt to smooth over the controversy, while others believe it’s more of a traffic jam of legal missteps. “This case is like trying to figure out who has the right of way in a situation where no one is yielding,” said Carmen Delgado, a professor of law at the University of Madrid. “It’s a mess, but I suppose Rubiales does have a point: There was a lot of kissing involved. It just wasn’t quite the kind of kiss that you can defend in a court of law.”
Adding to the confusion, Rubiales’ lawyer made an unexpected move by submitting what they called “evidence” of the kiss being “mutual”—a blurry selfie that appeared to show Rubiales and Hermoso smiling together at an earlier event. The photo was swiftly dismissed as “irrelevant,” with the judge stating, “If we’re basing a legal argument on this picture, we might as well use a GPS map to argue where the kiss took place.”
As the case continues, Hermoso’s supporters have taken to social media, creating memes that liken Rubiales’ defense to a “lost driver on a one-way street who still thinks he’s on the right path.” One X user posted a photo of Rubiales with a caption that read: “When you drive through a red light and then claim you were just ‘following the signs.’”
For now, the only thing certain is that Rubiales’ defense of a “two-way street” is making it clear: In the world of football, some players may be able to dodge tackles, but not all can avoid the law.
In an unexpected twist, a public poll showed that 78% of the respondents believe the incident is “more like a U-turn” than anything else, with 22% unsure, stating, “Maybe it was a roundabout, but we’re not entirely clear on the directions.”
As for Rubiales, he’s preparing for the next round of his legal battle. And while he may claim it’s a “two-way street,” the rest of the world is likely still wondering: Which exit is he taking, and will it lead him to the destination he hopes for—or back into a legal dead end?
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