White House picks this guy, Dave Weldon, to run the CDC—you know, the big disease-fighting crew. He’s a doctor, ex-congressman, the whole package.
They’re all set to grill him in a Senate hearing on Thursday, but bam, out of nowhere, they yank his nomination faster than you can say “anti-vax conspiracy.”
So I’m imagining Weldon strutting up to the Capitol, briefcase in hand, ready to defend his wild vaccine takes, only to find out—he’s been dumped!
The Wall Street Journal says he didn’t even know until he got there, like some sad movie scene. But then, “Nah, he got the memo last night.” Either way, I’m picturing this convo:
Weldon: “Hey, Senate pals, where’s my spotlight?”
Aide: “Uh, Dave, didn’t you hear? You’re off the guest list. Go home, buddy.”
Weldon: “What?! I practiced my ‘vaccines are spooky’ speech all night!”
Turns out, the guy’s been out there saying stuff like, “Hey, maybe vaccines are secretly turning kids into X-Men or something,” and he even tried to ban mercury from shots back in the day with some Congress lady.
Naturally, the Senate’s like, “Yeah, no, we’re not touching that hot mess.” Some told, “The votes just weren’t there, man. It’d be like sending a clown to a funeral—pointless and awkward.”
Meanwhile, the Senate’s still cool with voting on these other two docs—Jay Bhattacharya for NIH and Marty Makary for FDA. They’re like, “You guys can stay, you didn’t write the anti-vax manifesto.”
I bet they’re sitting there sipping coffee, watching Weldon’s drama unfold like:
Bhattacharya: “Told you, Marty, keep your vaccine opinions chill and you’ll slide right in.”
Makary: “Yeah, Jay, Weldon’s out there fighting Big Pharma ghosts while we’re just trying to clock in!”
And get this—the vaccine skepticism thing is so hot right now because RFK Jr., HHS big shot, just went through the same Senate wringer.
The Dems were all over him like, “Bobby, you still think vaccines cause autism? Spill it!” He’s probably chilling in his new office now, watching Weldon crash and burn, thinking, “Been there, dodged that.”
So yeah, Weldon’s out, the hearing’s canceled, and I’m just over here cackling at the chaos.
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