Harvard University just pulled off the academic equivalent of flipping the Monopoly board, ditching $2.2 billion in federal grants and $60 million in contracts because it didn’t want the Trump administration poking its nose into their ivory tower. It’s like Harvard looked at all that money and said, “Nah, we’re good—freedom’s worth more than a few billion, right?”
Former President Barack Obama popped up like the ultimate hype man, cheering Harvard for telling the feds to buzz off. “This is how you defend the sacred art of arguing in lecture halls!” he pretty much said, probably while polishing his Nobel Peace Prize. He waved at other colleges like, “C’mon, join the cool kids’ club!”
The whole mess started when Harvard gave a hard pass to Trump’s demands, which were wrapped in a shiny “stop antisemitism” bow. Alan Garber wasn’t buying it, strutting out like a debate champ: “Nobody tells us what to teach, who to let in, or what to scribble on our chalkboards. Back off!” Mic drop.
But the Trump antisemitism posse didn’t laugh. They slammed the funding brakes, muttering about Harvard acting like it owns the place just because it’s got federal bucks. Over at Yale, 876 faculty members scribbled a letter so extra it could star in a melodrama. “The government’s coming for our free speech!” they wailed, practically begging for a group hug against the big bad feds.
Meanwhile, Princeton and Columbia decided to play teacher’s pet to keep their wallets fat. Columbia went hardcore, banning sneaky protest masks (sorry, ninja vibes), locking down indoor rallies, and promising to give its Middle East studies a makeover while pumping up its Israel and Jewish Studies department. Gotta keep those funds flowing, ya know?
Trump’s team keeps swearing they’re just tackling antisemitism, but profs everywhere are side-eyeing them, sniffing out a plot to squash affirmative action and tame those pesky liberal academics. Back in ’23, Trump bragged he’d starve out any school teaching “commie nonsense,” and his task force buddy Leo Terrell threatened to leave rebel colleges eating ramen forever.
They’ve already slashed $11 billion from seven schools and yeeted 300 students and researchers with visa cancellations. MIT’s Sally Kornbluth was like, “Yo, we lost nine kids in a week—this is how you tank America’s science game.”
Education Secretary Linda McMahon stepped in, all “rules are rules, people,” reminding everyone that federal money isn’t a free-for-all. White House guy Kush Desai backed her up, saying the task force is all about zapping antisemitism, not playing fun police for campus brainstorms. Those loud protests? Apparently, they’re the real party poopers for taxpayer-funded think-fests.
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