Tech overlord and part-time political prankster Elon Musk dropped a bombshell on Tuesday, announcing he’s ready to trade his White House cape for his Tesla toolbelt starting next month. Investors, who’ve been throwing tantrums over his side gig with the Trump administration, are popping champagne, while the White House might need to hire a new chaos coordinator.
Musk spilled the beans during Tesla’s investor call, which was less “yay, profits!” and more “ouch, our wallet’s on a diet.” The company reported a 71% profit nosedive to $409 million, down from last year’s $1.39 billion. Apparently, Trump’s tariff tantrums and a politically charged atmosphere are giving Tesla’s bottom line a wedgie.
“Next month, I’m ditching most of my DOGE duties,” Musk said, referring to his Department of Government Efficiency. “I’ll probably pop into D.C. for a day or two a week to whisper sweet nothings about efficiency to the president, but Tesla’s getting my full-on love and attention. The DOGE house is built, and I’m ready to go back to making electric dreams come true.”
Musk’s political escapades have turned Tesla into a punching bag for protesters and vandals, with the company’s stock price taking a 50% haircut since its mid-December peak. Still, shares did a little happy dance, climbing 4% in after-hours trading—probably because investors heard “Elon’s coming home” and started baking welcome-back cookies.
Tesla’s not just about cars anymore; Musk’s pushing for robotaxis and humanoid robots like he’s auditioning for a sci-fi flick. He’s betting big on robotaxi rides hitting Austin’s streets in June, ready to duke it out with Waymo, which already moonlights as Uber’s robot chauffeur. But investors are side-eyeing these plans, wondering if Musk’s been sipping too much futuristic Kool-Aid.
The company’s earnings report read like a sad trombone: “uncertainty in automotive and energy markets,” “rapidly evolving trade policy,” and “changing political sentiment” are all raining on Tesla’s parade. Updates to the Model Y also left it playing hide-and-seek on showroom floors, contributing to the profit pinch. Tesla’s so spooked by tariffs and global trade drama that it’s refusing to predict 2025 performance, saying it’ll “revisit” guidance in three months. Translation: “We’ll get back to you when the world stops being a dumpster fire.”
Musk admitted he tried to talk Trump out of his tariff obsession but got nowhere. “I’m just one of many advisers, not the president,” he sighed, probably dreaming of a world where tariffs are as predictable as his Twitter rants. Despite boasting that Tesla’s “the most American-made car,” imported parts still leave it vulnerable to tariff whiplash.
Musk’s been juggling CEO hats at Tesla and SpaceX while moonlighting as Trump’s budget-slashing sidekick. But the public’s not feeling the love: a CNBC survey revealed 47% of folks give Tesla a thumbs-down (versus 27% thumbs-up), and 50% think Musk’s more villain than visionary, compared to 36% who still stan him.
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