Wisconsin: the land of cheese, beer, and now, Elon Musk handing out million-dollar checks like they’re party favors. It’s not every day that a billionaire waltzes into America’s Dairyland wearing a foam cheesehead hat to play political Santa Claus, but here we are.
In true Musk fashion—because what is life without some Muskian chaos?—the Tesla tycoon decided to spice up Wisconsin’s already spicy Supreme Court election by offering $1 million each to two lucky voters.
Yes, you read that right: one voter gets a cool mil, and another walks away with enough cash to buy approximately 400,000 blocks of cheddar (or maybe pay off their student loans). All they had to do was sign an online petition against “activist” judges and attend his rally dressed in their finest pro-Trump MAGA gear—or at least pretend to care about gerrymandering.
Of course, this being politics, there was drama. Democratic Attorney General Josh Kaul tried to play Buzzkill Bingo, arguing that Musk’s stunt violated state law because it amounted to bribery—a.k.a., giving people money to influence their votes.
But alas, even Wisconsin’s liberal-leaning Supreme Court wasn’t having it. In a move as surprising as finding pineapple on your deep-dish pizza, the court unanimously declined to hear Kaul’s case. No explanation, no fanfare—just a big judicial shrug.
So, Musk took the stage in Green Bay looking like he’d just walked out of Lambeau Field’s gift shop and handed over those checks faster than you can say “artisanal curds.” He declared the recipients official spokespeople for his political group, presumably tasked with shouting “Elon 2028!” at random strangers until further notice.
Meanwhile, Musk himself launched into a fiery rant about how crucial this race is for America’s future. Gerrymandering! House seats! Government reforms! The man doesn’t just think outside the box—he launches rockets through it.
Meanwhile, back in reality, Wisconsin’s Supreme Court election has become the most expensive judicial smackdown in U.S. history, with over $81 million spent so far. That’s enough money to fund several small countries or, you know, actually address some real issues instead of airing attack ads.
Liberal-backed candidate Susan Crawford and conservative-backed Brad Schimel are duking it out for ideological control of the court, which could shape everything from abortion rights to voting laws to congressional redistricting. And yes, Schimel did campaign in a MAGA hat, because subtlety is clearly not the vibe here.
As if things couldn’t get any wilder, Florida joined the electoral circus this week with two congressional races following the departures of Mike Waltz and Matt Gaetz. Both districts are redder than a Wisconsin winter sunset, yet somehow Democrats have managed to flood them with campaign cash. Go figure.
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