Canada’s freshly minted Prime Minister Mark Carney is packing his bags and jetting off to Paris and London on Monday, presumably to sip espresso with Emmanuel Macron and tea with Keir Starmer while plotting how to outmaneuver U.S. President Donald Trump’s latest hobby: turning Canada into his personal economic punching bag.
With Trump tossing around 25% tariffs and musing about Canada becoming the 51st star on the Stars and Stripes—because who doesn’t want a state with better manners and free healthcare?
Carney’s decided it’s time to phone some old friends from the motherlands that birthed Canada’s quirky French-English-Indigenous mashup.
At his swearing-in, Carney basically gave a polite Canadian middle finger to Trump’s annexation fantasies, declaring Canada would “never, ever, in any way shape or form” join the U.S.—a statement so firm it probably came with a side of maple syrup.
“The Trump factor is basically Godzilla stomping over everything else Carney’s got on his plate,” quipped Nelson Wiseman, a University of Toronto prof emeritus who’s clearly seen a kaiju movie or two.
Carney, who turned 60 on Sunday, will schmooze with Macron to diversify trade (croissants instead of Big Macs, perhaps?) and then pop over to London to chat with Starmer and King Charles III, Canada’s official head of state who’s probably wondering why his colonies are bickering again.
It’s a homecoming of sorts for Carney, who once ran the Bank of England, dazzling the Brits to steer their financial ship in over 300 years. Next, he’ll zip up to Canada’s Arctic edge to flex some sovereignty muscle—because nothing screams “we’re not your 51st state” like posing with a polar bear in a Mountie hat.
Trump’s tariff tirades and 51st-state daydreams have Canadians so riled up they’re boycotting American cheese slices and whispering “eh” in defiance.
Carney’s even eyeballing the U.S.-made F-35 jets on the shopping list, wondering if Canada should trade them in for something less… star-spangled.
The Liberal Party, once teetering on the edge of electoral doom, might just ride this Trump-fueled patriotic wave to victory—turns out nothing unites a country like a loud neighbor threatening to annex your igloos.
Experts are cheering Carney’s snub of a Washington visit. “Why bother?” said historian Robert Bothwell, noting that Trudeau’s trips south just ended in Trump trying to photobomb his dignity. “You can’t reason with a guy who treats facts like optional seasoning.”
Meanwhile, McGill’s Daniel Béland stressed the need to diversify trade—Canada’s 75% export reliance on the U.S. is starting to feel like putting all your poutine in one basket. And with Trump cozying up to Russia and eyeing the Arctic like it’s a giant golf course, Canada’s northern frontier is suddenly a hot topic.
So, while Carney’s not ready to tango with Trump in person—“respect my sovereignty or no dice,” he’s basically said—he’s open to a phone call. Maybe he’ll pitch it as a bilingual lesson: “Non means no, mon ami.”
For now, Canada’s new PM is off to charm Europe, wave the flag in the Arctic, and remind the world that Canada’s too polite to be anyone’s 51st anything.
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