Hold onto your sombreros and hockey sticks, folks—President Donald Trump’s tariff tango with Canada and Mexico just took a turn zanier than a three-ring circus!
In a plot twist nobody saw coming, Trump’s gone and signed orders to yank a bunch of goods off his shiny new tariff hit list, sparing everything from avocados to air conditioners faster than you can say “guac-ward.”
It’s the second time in 48 hours he’s hit the brakes on his trade war taxes, leaving businesses dizzy and markets more jittery than a caffeinated squirrel.
On Wednesday, Trump threw carmakers a lifeline, waving off those hefty 25% import levies just a day after they kicked in—talk about a short-lived reign of terror!
Mexican President Claudia Sheinbaum was all smiles, thanking Trump for playing nice, while Canada’s finance minister breathed a sigh of relief and shelved their revenge tariffs faster than you can say “eh.”
But don’t cue the peace pipes yet—Canadian PM Justin Trudeau spilled the tea on a “colourful” phone call with Trump, where the U.S. prez reportedly spiced things up with some NSFW language. Sounds like a diplomatic chat straight out of a bar brawl!
Trudeau’s not popping champagne, though—he’s bracing for a trade war sequel, muttering to reporters that the tariff mess is far from over.
Sheinbaum, meanwhile, gushed about her “excellent and respectful” Trump chat, promising a buddy-cop team-up to tackle fentanyl sneaking north and guns heading south. Someone get these two a sitcom!
The tariff rollback leans hard on the USMCA—Trump’s first-term trade baby—letting goodies like TVs, beef, and potash (aka farmer fertilizer gold) dodge the taxman.
Potash tariffs even got a haircut from 25% to 10%, because apparently, Trump’s feeling generous. But hold the confetti—a White House lackey says half of Mexico’s imports and nearly two-thirds of Canada’s could still get slapped with duties.
It’s like a game of tariff roulette, and companies are sweating bullets trying to keep up.
Meanwhile, Trump’s not done—he’s hyping more tariff shenanigans come April 2, when his team’s cooking up “reciprocal” trade taxes to sock it to the world.
Markets? They’re freaking out—the S&P 500 took a 1.8% tumble Thursday, and fund manager George Godber’s calling it a “hokey cokey” mess that’s got factories in a tizzy and the U.S. economy wheezing. Europe’s smirking from the sidelines, though—Germany’s loving the chaos like it’s Oktoberfest.
Trump, brushing off market meltdown accusations, swaggered, “Nothing to do with the market—I’m not even looking at it!” Sure, Don, and I’m not looking at my bank account after a weekend bender.
Ontario’s Doug Ford isn’t buying the truce either, grumbling that “a pause means nothing” while threatening to slap a 25% tariff on electricity zapping into New York, Michigan, and Minnesota.
“It bothers me, but I gotta,” he whined to CNN, sounding like a kid forced to eat broccoli.
Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent fired back, calling retaliation numbskull moves and hinting Trudeau’s tantrum might crank tariffs higher.
Oof—someone’s bringing the sass to the Economic Club of New York! With billions in goods ping-ponging across borders daily, this trade trio’s tighter than a sitcom family, but Trump’s betting his tariffs will juice up U.S. manufacturing.
Economists? They’re screaming “price hikes!” and “recession vibes!” louder than a foghorn.
Imports spiked in January as tariff panic set in, ballooning the U.S. trade deficit to $130 billion—because nothing says “winning” like a 34% jump in red ink.
Daniel Anthony from Trade Partnership Worldwide says there’s a billion bucks a day riding on whether companies can pivot to USMCA exemptions.
It’s a high-stakes gamble, and Trump’s rolling the dice like he’s auditioning for Ocean’s Eleven. Will it pay off, or will we all be paying more for guacamole?
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