Two NASA astronauts aboard the International Space Station (ISS) have revealed they’ve been binge-watching The Office reruns for eight months—not because they love Michael Scott, but because Boeing’s Starliner capsule turned into the Fyre Festival of space travel.
Meanwhile, Elon Musk claims he tried to rescue them months ago, but the Biden administration allegedly ghosted him harder than a Tinder match. Let’s unpack this celestial soap opera.
Act 1: “Houston, We’ve Had a Starliner”
Barry “Butch” Wilmore and Sunita Williams arrived at the ISS last June for a one-week stay, courtesy of Boeing’s Starliner.
But the spacecraft, apparently auditioning for The Fast and the Flimsy, sprang helium leaks and threw a thruster tantrum en route. NASA, wisely deciding that “space Uber” shouldn’t have smoke coming out of it, extended the astronauts’ stay.
Think of it as the universe’s most expensive Airbnb, with no mini-fridge and a strict “no refunds” policy.
Act 2: Musk’s Rescue Mission (Or Was It?)
Enter Elon Musk, who recently told Sean Hannity (and his 100 million X followers) that he totally offered to send SpaceX’s Dragon capsule to fetch the astronauts months ago.
The Biden administration, he insists, turned him down for “political reasons.” President Trump, never one to miss a reality show, chimed in to accuse Democrats of holding astronauts hostage. Meanwhile, Wilmore and Williams, floating serenely in microgravity, replied: “Rescue offer? Never got the memo.”
Act 3: NASA’s Bureaucratic Bunny Hop
Former NASA chief Bill Nelson shrugged off Musk’s claims, saying the offer never reached his desk—or even his spam folder.
“We were too busy figuring out how to not kill our astronauts with a leaky Starliner,” he explained. Deputy administrator Pam Melroy added, “If Elon texted, it didn’t get to HQ.” Maybe Musk tried a carrier pigeon? Or a tweet directed at @NASA’s finsta?
Act 4: Budget Cuts and Dragon Swaps
Turns out, NASA couldn’t afford a shiny new Dragon capsule for a rescue mission. “We’re not made of money,” Nelson sighed.
Instead, they opted for a “vintage” Dragon model—because why buy new when you can reuse a slightly charred one? The swap delayed the astronauts’ return to April, proving that space travel is just like public transit: “Next capsule arriving soon…ish.”
Act 5: The Cosmic Takeaway
While Musk and Trump orbit the issue on social media, the astronauts remain chill. “We’re just here for the science… and the free zero-g coffee,” Williams joked.
NASA, meanwhile, insists politics didn’t play a role. But as the saga drags on, one thing’s clear: In space, no one can hear you scream—especially if your rescue offer is stuck in a bureaucratic black hole.
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