A major cryptocurrency exchange says it was the victim of a sophisticated hack that stole about $1.5 billion worth of digital currency—because apparently, even blockchain can’t stop someone with Wi-Fi and too much time on their hands.
Bybit said Friday that a routine transfer of Ethereum—one of the most popular cryptocurrencies—between digital wallets was “manipulated” by an attacker. So basically, they were just minding their own business, moving coins around like it’s laundry day, when suddenly: poof!
The crypto didn’t just vanish—it got transferred to an unidentified address faster than you can say “Where’s my wallet?” Because nothing screams “sophisticated heist” like stealing billions and leaving zero trace except for a big neon sign that says, “Catch me if you can!”
The company sought to reassure customers that their cryptocurrency holdings with the exchange were safe—because nothing screams “trust us” like announcing you just got robbed blind but promise, your money’s fine!
The company added that news of the hack had led to a surge in withdrawal requests, which is basically code for “everyone panicked and hit the ‘get me outta here’ button at once.” Naturally, this means there could be delays in processing them, because apparently, even blockchain has traffic jams.
Ben Zhou, Bybit’s CEO, took to social media (because where else do CEOs make dramatic announcements these days?) to say his company would remain solvent even if the hacked crypto wasn’t recovered. Translation: “Don’t worry, folks, we’ve still got enough couch cushions to scrape together your cash!”
“We can cover the loss,” he said, presumably while wiping away a single tear à la every movie villain who thinks they’re winning but secretly isn’t. Sure, Ben, sure—you’ll be fine… until the next hacker shows up looking for round two.
Stealing cryptocurrencies is a favorite tactic of hackers, because apparently, robbing banks is so 20th century. Why bother with a ski mask and a getaway car when you can just hack your way to millions from the comfort of your PJs?
North Korean state hackers, in particular, have been linked to several high-dollar crypto thefts in recent years—because nothing says “diplomatic relations” like swiping someone else’s Bitcoin stash. It’s like they’re playing a global game of Monopoly, except instead of fake money, it’s real… and everyone’s losing to Kim Jong-un.
In December, the FBI, the Defense Department, and the National Police Agency of Japan issued a joint statement blaming North Korean hackers for stealing $308 million from a Japanese crypto firm.
That’s right: three major agencies had to team up just to say, “Hey, uh, we think Pyongyang did it.” At this point, North Korea might as well start their own crypto exchange—they’re clearly experts at moving funds around without getting caught!
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