President Donald Trump announced that soccer should officially be called “football” in the United States—leaving the NFL to brainstorm a new name, perhaps “Handegg League.”
The declaration sent shockwaves through living rooms nationwide, where millions of Americans suddenly realized their Sunday rituals might need rebranding. Tailgaters are already debating whether “grilling for handegg” has the same ring as “grilling for football.”
Meanwhile, NFL marketing departments are reportedly locked in emergency meetings, trying to decide if “National Toss-and-Tackle Association” will fit on a jersey.
The announcement came during the 2026 World Cup draw at the Kennedy Center in Washington. Trump stood alongside FIFA president Gianni Infantino, Mexico’s Claudia Sheinbaum, and Canada’s Mark Carney, all of whom managed to keep straight faces as the U.S. president proposed renaming America’s favorite pastime.
The group then performed the ceremonial draw. The U.S. landed in Group D, Canada in Group B, and Mexico in Group A, with Mexico set to host the opening match on June 11 in Mexico City. Fans cheered, though some were still busy Googling “Handegg rules.”
Earlier in the event, Infantino presented Trump with the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize. The award was announced in November but never approved by the FIFA Council. Infantino, however, seemed determined to hand it over, perhaps hoping peace could be achieved one soccer ball at a time.
The prize comes after Trump missed out on the Nobel Peace Prize earlier this year. Infantino explained that Trump was his “close friend,” which in FIFA terms apparently means “we’ll invent a prize if necessary.”
Observers noted that the Peace Prize presentation was sandwiched between discussions of group draws and Trump’s football rebranding campaign. The juxtaposition left attendees wondering if the next award might be the “FIFA Naming Rights Trophy.”
The crowd at the Kennedy Center appeared entertained, though some were visibly torn between applauding the Peace Prize and wondering how many syllables “Handegg” has.
Mexico’s president Claudia Sheinbaum smiled politely, perhaps calculating how many tacos could be sold at the opening match. Canada’s Mark Carney nodded diplomatically, likely rehearsing how to explain to Canadians why their group assignment matters more than Trump’s linguistic crusade.
Infantino, meanwhile, looked delighted, as though he had just invented a new category of award: “Peace Through Soccer, With Optional Name Changes.”
The event ended with the leaders waving to the crowd, leaving behind a trail of questions. Will the NFL embrace its new identity? Will FIFA continue inventing awards? And most importantly, will Americans ever chant “Go Handegg!” with the same passion they reserve for touchdowns?
For now, the only certainty is that the 2026 World Cup will kick off in Mexico City, and Trump’s comments will continue to echo in locker rooms, boardrooms, and barbecue pits across the nation.
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