Berlin, May 6, 2025 —Friedrich Merz, the conservative Christian Democratic Union (CDU) leader, has finally been crowned Germany’s chancellor in a second parliamentary vote.
The Bundestag’s unexpected first-round snub left Merz six votes short of the 316 needed, marking the first time in post-war Germany that a chancellor hopeful tripped at the finish line. But fear not, Merz dusted off his suit, rallied his coalition, and clinched 325 votes in the afternoon redo, proving that even in politics, second chances are sweeter than a Black Forest cake.
The morning’s vote was a shocker, with Merz’s coalition of CDU/CSU and the Social Democrats (SPD) holding a slim 328 seats but still fumbling the ball. Whispers of rebellion swirled—did some MPs oversleep, or was this a secret protest against Merz’s famously brash style?
“It’s like the Bundestag decided to play a prank on Merz, only to realize the cameras weren’t rolling,” quipped one observer. The far-right Alternative for Germany (AfD) cackled from the sidelines, with co-leader Alice Weidel calling for fresh elections and suggesting Merz “take up knitting instead.”
After a frantic lunch break filled with coalition arm-twisting and probably some strong coffee, Merz stormed back for round two. “All of Europe, maybe the whole world, is watching!” declared CDU’s Jens Spahn, possibly exaggerating but definitely nailing the vibe.
The second vote at 3:15 PM saw Merz sail past the majority, securing his spot as Germany’s next leader. Outgoing Chancellor Olaf Scholz, stuck in caretaker mode, was reportedly seen muttering, “This is why I prefer orchestras to secret ballots.”
Merz’s victory ends six months of political limbo, but his wafer-thin majority and the morning’s hiccup suggest his chancellorship might be less “strong leadership” and more “herding cats.” The AfD, now the main opposition, is already sharpening its claws, while Merz’s planned trips to Paris and Warsaw might include an extra stop for headache pills.
“He’s got the job, but it’s like winning a pie-eating contest only to find out the prize is more pie,” joked a Berlin political analyst.
As Merz prepares to tackle Germany’s stagnant economy, migration debates, and a certain golf-loving U.S. president’s trade policies, one thing’s clear: his first day in office will be anything but boring. Here’s to hoping his coalition’s next vote isn’t for “best exit strategy.”
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